These Phrases shared by My Father That Saved Me as a New Dad

"I think I was just in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."